I find myself,

once again,

apologizing to someone

in my own mind.

An imaginary conversation

I wish I had the courage

to even whisper out loud.


But like a child,

who hides his guilt

behind shifting the blame

towards someone else,

I am a coward.


I am a coward

because I cannot admit to myself

my true desires.

A coward,

who would rather push than pull,

and pretend that

You don’t exist-


Because running away

Is easier than love.

And being loved is hard

When you’re used to running away.


And facing you is a struggle,

Like swimming


Sweating profusely

And feeling like we’re

Going nowhere.


It’s time to walk the plank,

Dive in,

Submerge in adoration.

And if I start to drown,

No one can save me

But myself.


But I dont want a peace treaty,

I want to be treated

Like a treasure-

Work hard for me,

For my heart is buried deep.


I’m giving you permission,

Start shoveling…