Life to Live

Risky

 

When I was fifteen, I started to gain in interest in Hispanic music. I asked some of my friends to recommend a list of songs to listen to, and received a pretty lengthy list. As I sat in my bedroom, listening to the songs on my laptop, I listened to every single beat. Then I would listen to the songs again and listen to the words. One song in particular, “Antes Muerta Que Sencilla,” left me a little confused. Being Hispanic, I knew that it translated to “I rather be dead than simple.” However, my young mind didn’t understand what that meant as I took it too literal. I had only heard the word as a description for an object, I.E. a basic dress, nothing fancy. I asked my mother what the title meant by “simple”, and why the singer wanted to avoid being “simple.”  My mom laughed at me, and said “no you dummy, she isn’t saying ‘simple’ as in undecorated, or unembellished. She means simple as in plain, boring, etc. She’s saying she rather be dead than be a boring person.”

After receiving a clarification, I went back to my bedroom and laid in my bed. I rather be dead than boring, I thought to myself. I knew what that meant in theory, but I couldn’t figure out if I was boring. Up until that point I did everything my parents told me, I never tried to venture out and explore my interests. I never went outside my comfort zone, I had always wanted to try doing so many things and I never actually tried to do them. Was I boring? Because I never took any risks. And if I was boring, isn’t that the same as being dead? Had I ever actually lived?

I was boring, I lived inside the box. I didn’t want to, but it was just so much easier to be in the box than outside. I was scared, I didn’t want to get hurt. That day, I told myself I needed to try to do my own thing. So, I did, any time I was too scared to do something I always wanted to do I would remind myself “I rather be dead than boring.” Half the time, I’m still scared, and I still avoid taking risks, but the other half, I just go for it. It feels so much better to try to do something and fail, than to just sit and wonder what my life would have turned out to be.  I know that even if I fall on my face, I’ll have the lesson to take with me and the story to tell. It also helps that I have such a wonderful friend in my life to push me when I’m too scared to take the dive. Because almost always, I rather take the dive.

-d.c.

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