The loneliest seasons for single people are fall and winter. Fall is the beginning of a dating season, with corn mazes, haunted houses, and Halloween parties. It’s easy to get sucked into the appeal of dating, and so, it’s easier to be let-down when dating turns into a disaster. That dating season slowly transitions into winter, one of the most intimate season of all. Besides date opportunities such as ice skating and ballets, it also brings the holidays. With holidays comes holiday parties, gift exchanges, and dinners with parents. Holiday parties can be a drag when everyone else brings dates and you find yourself alone, stirring your drink, checking your phone to pass the time. Its even worse when you check your phone, and nothing is there. So, you scroll through social media a thousand times, wondering if you should make a conscious effort to date again. Or at least that’s how it goes for me.
During the spring and summer, I am comfortable being single, in fact, I quite enjoy it. I get to take the time to really spend time with myself, indulge in everything that brings me happiness, and I spend time with whomever I’d like. It really is liberating, for me at least, to be single because I am subconsciously a people pleaser. I end up sacrificing my happiness for others’ and anytime I start dating someone new, I find myself changing my quirks and habits for them. Eventually, it becomes emotionally exhausting, especially for someone who isn’t as mentally stable as others may be. I know myself, I know I am not in a place mentally to be dating because I know I am still growing as a person. I’m still learning about myself, finding out what I like, what I don’t like, what triggers my anxiety, and how to control my anxiety without negatively affecting those around me. I don’t want to infringe someone else happiness with my own struggles, so I know I should wait until I’m in a good place before I drag someone into my mess of a life. So then how come every time fall or winter comes around I find myself questioning whether I should start dating again?
It recently became clear to me why when I stumbled upon a video by a guy named Michael Persad, who talked about this exact dilemma. He called it “Cuffin Season” which basically means it is the season when people are desperate to get into relationships because it’s the holidays and because everyone else is coupling up. As much I hate to admit it, I fall for “cuffing season” every time. Not so much because I’m jealous of others and I want their relationship. But because there are so many fun things to do and I have no one to do them with. I want to go to fun activities like corn mazes and I want to dance at parties, but unfortunately for me, I’m stuck sitting out. And I acknowledge it is stupid and selfish want, to date someone only because I want someone to lug around places, but its human nature. We were made to find a mate and procreate and create bonds with each other. So, it isn’t abnormal for me want to go out and have fun with another human being.
But like I said, I know better than to drag someone else into my life before I can learn how to cope with my emotions positively. So, while I fall for the appeal of “cuffin’ season” I know better than to go through with anything. And I just remind myself that I am okay being single and that its okay to be alone.